Shrinking violet

As much as I am enjoying this job (and the money it brings) I am beginning to feel a little too much like I did when I left school or just started college - not quite comfortable in my own skin, not completely sure of myself. At university and on my post grad I grew into myself and 'blossomed' into the person who had been hiding before. I know everyone puts on a mask and there are very few people who I am completely at ease with but I am sure this is true for most people.


However, I feel myself shrinking into my shell like a shy snail. Biting my lip. Fading into the background.


By the time I left the educational sphere I was doing a postgraduate course and had reached the 'top of the ladder' as it were. At 22 I was a lot older than most those below me. But now I have entered the world of work I am at the bottom of a new ladder and feel incredibly young. I like to consider myself (possibly over flatteringly?) relatively well educated in literature, music, current affairs etc but I suddenly feel very inexperienced and uneducated.

In addition to these new unwanted feelings I had a day of embarrassing/annoying moments yesterday -

Exhibit A. People at work having an intelligent discussion on the war in Afghanistan and despite the fact I have opinions on this, I just completely clammed up and sat looking gormless.
Exhibit B. After happily wolfing down a delicious almond croissant in the morning I looked in the mirror at the end of the day only to realise I had had a small piece of said almond croissant in my hair All Day.
Exhibit C. After said croissantgate, I was late to catch the bus and ended up doing a strange bended knee, half walk half run scuttling movement to make sure I caught the bus. I can safely say crazy scuttly forward crab running is Not attractive.
Exhibit D. After being in lovely hot shower for approximately 5 seconds I managed to get shampoo in my eye so spent the rest of a now unenjoyable shower with my eye closed, rubbing my eye on my towel which then was covered in mascara and spent the whole evening with a red bloodshot eye assuring my sister that I would definitely go blind from this.

I rest my case Your Honour.

However, just so you don't sit back in your chair and sigh, thinking to yourself "wow she sure is turning grumpy. Where is all the giggling and happiness, pretty pictures and silliness gone?" here are some nicer things that have happened to me:

1. I had Sushi today for the first time (pretty yummy)
2. I sat outside St. Pauls Cathedral at lunch where there happened to be an ABBA tribute band playing (currently humming Waterloo to myself).
3. I bought some pistachio macaroons today which I have never tried before (hence the pretty picture) from 'Paul' which is the most spiffing patisserie ever - a 'Maison de qualite' in their own words - where I spent a lot of my hard earned cash on delectible goodies (let you know on Mon how the macaroons go down).
4. I get to pick up my new glasses tomorrow.


Hoping to finally take my camera out for a spin this weekend and promise I will try to upload some photos over the next week or so.


Enjoy the weekend y'all
x